My Little Boy Woke Me Up

I am sure most of us have seen the posts on pinterest about being more involved with our kids...well here's mine;)  Just a simple interaction between my son and me "woke" me up.....And here is the story....

It was late and had been a long day.  It felt like a long day I think mostly because I didn't make it a good day. I was tired, crabby, and ultimately lazy.  The kids were busy playing most of the day and in my boredom I turned to my phone-email, facebook, and pinterest.  I got so caught up in it that I got annoyed when they wanted or needed something.  Then Alayna got whiny, clingy, and needy after nap.  And when I was trying to cook and bake they were, all three, right there under my feet and I wasn't a fan at all.
Bedtime came and I was "exhausted".  Alayna fought and screamed so I layed her down and left the room.  I tucked Austyn in.  Ed came and rocked Alayna, who did not scream and fight him!  And I sat on the step waiting for Cameron to finish brushing his teeth so I could tuck him in.

 As he walked by he asked what I was doing.  I said waiting for you.  He came over, gave me a hug and kiss and said he loved me and that he was so lucky I was his mommy.  He then chit chatted about his day.  I just sat and listened in awe with so much love in my heart that my chest honestly, physically hurt.  My babies are growing and I'm wasting these precious days being crabby!  Cam is going into first grade-he has friends, opinions, thoughts, dreams.  Austyn is going into 4k and is already totally fine and comfortable wandering away by herself to play.  Alayna is going on two and turning into her own little self.

Not only am I wasting valuable quality time I'm forgetting they are sweet little blessings who were given to me to help shape and mold.  They need and deserve my time and love.  I've slowly turned into the sideline mom.  I used to judge that mom.  The one who sat on the bench while the kids played at the park.  Now I am her, and I understand her!  Time to think of yourself is precious.  But even more precious are these three kids!!

I'm not sue how, but a balance needs to be found.  I do need a  small amount of me time to keep my strength up to make good days for my kids. I also need to be present and involved.  Stop only pinning how to be a good mom, and start being a good mom.  And stop looking back and being negative.  Look at the positive and strive for the good.

 Yes, today was a downer over all, but we did take a nice walk together and we shared lots of love, hugs, and kisses.

I see now, and it makes me feel a little more pathetic.... The kids didn't exhaust me.  I exhausted me by being crabby, lazy, and uninvolved.  Days are much more enjoyable when you find time to laugh and have fun.
Being negative does not help either.  Better to focus on the good, positive, and be grateful.

I am grateful for these babies of mine, happy to be their mommy and am positive I no longer want to be the sideline mom.

And what's amazing is my kids won't hold this crabby day against me.  They still have loving hugs and kisses galore for me.  So I vow to change, but I'm also giving myself break.  If my kids can give me a break and think I'm the best I don't think I am most likely as bad as I think, and deserve that break!  It doesn't help to beat myself up.  Better to focus on tomorrow.

I'm not saying every minute of every day needs to be spent on and focused on my kids. I think parent's need a break and need to have a life apart from the kids as well (another thing I need to work on actually, but that's for another post;) But I want quality hands on, focused time spent on them daily.  Hands on time and time to listen and time to cherish and time to learn and time to influence and time to help them grow and feel loved.

Birthday Ramblings

Yesterday was my birthday.  About half way through the morning I mentioned this to the kids.  It was so sweet...Very heart felt my son asked, "awe, mom, why didn't you tell us right away this morning?"  They then proceeded to sing happy birthday to me.  That was probably my favorite part of the day.  They were so sincere and they were so excited for me because it was my birthday.  Moments like that make mommy hood so much better than having the time and money for vacations and pricey clothes etc.

Later we all went to Cam's last baseball game and then went out for ice cream with my mom.  It's not something we often do, so was enjoyed by all.  When I tucked Cam in he asked if I had a nice birthday.  Again, so sweet he would ask.  I sincerely did!  The little family moments made it special.  No bells or whistles needed.  I loved that we went and did something together that we don't often do.

This morning Austyn asked if today was my second birthday.  Confused, I told her no.  And then I figured out what she meant.  The kids have their "real" birthday and then the birthday party day.  It kind of made me giggle  a little;)

Last year for Cam's birthday we took him out to eat.  Anywhere he wanted-he got to choose.  I think that instead of gifts this year we will do that for the kids.  It makes for a special day for them.  They get to pick and have a dinner focused on, for, and about them.  In years to come I think those memories will be remembered more than yet another gift.  I just tend to feel that they get so much!  And sadly, most of it doesn't seem to matter much in the long run.  They lose interest, go into another phase, lose it, or break it.  I would rather focus on memories and relationships and making them feel special!

What birthday traditions does your family do/have?

Discipline Followup

So I made a list of rules/expectations, and then made a list of punishments to go along with it.  They get one warning and then the punishment.  I am not sold on the punishments-they are a work in progress...

Rule/Expectation    (punishment)                                                                

-respect mom and dad    (30 min. in room)                                                        
    the way you talk                                                                
   do as you are told, no arguing
-clean up after self (no elecronics for rest of day)
   if you make a mess, clean it up
   pick up house, yard, and room before bedtime
   help with chores                                            
-attitude (early to bed and no story)
   be grateful
   say please and thank you
   no fighting, arguing, being mean to each other                    
   be kind and respectful
   be honest and truthful
   be responsible
-misc rules (10 min in room)
   no running in the house
   no tantrums                                                                        
   inside voices
   no messing around at dinner

We are also talking about making a stop/go visual.  Each child will have a clothespin.  Green/go is good behavior, yellow is caution or warning, red is punishment.

Before we fully implement this I see a few "issues".  The visual is great.  I know Cam had this at school last year... Will I actually use it though??
Ed pointed out--what do we do when we are not at home?  We can't send them to their room for 30 minutes.
What if bad behavior is done before bed? We're not going to do 30 minutes in bedroom before bedtime.

Tonight was an example of another gray area, or hiccup of my new plan.

It's hot and humid!  I was not really looking forward to cooking and cleaning up.  So I told the kids we were having popcorn, ice cream, and fruit for dinner while we watched a movie.  Eyes lit up, squeals filled the room, and excitement was felt in the air.
So when I was ready I said pick out a movie and clean up while I get it all together.  Unfortunately they just messed around.  I gave them several "looks", but still nothing.  So I took away all the fun and we ate leftovers at the kitchen table.  That punishment seemed to fit better then the pre planned punishment.  (sigh) I want consistency AND flexibility!  I want it all!
I may be looking into it a little too much.  I just really want known expectations, consequences, and I want consistency! (but flexibility as well I guess :/)
It was a bummer to take away the fun night.  I loved how excited they were and was looking forward to it.  I typically would have caved and let them do it anyways once they cleaned up.  But that's the problem.  We do threats and don't carry through.  So on the flip side it felt good to "take control".

I'm going to cling to the idea that it may get worse before it gets better (kind of a "culture shock" to all as we shift things) but the end result will be better kids, happier parents....right...??

Please please offer thoughts, suggestions, advice, etc.  Did I mention please? ;)

A Need for Discipline

The never ending battle.  The argument that almost every husband and wife have.  The back and forth debate of discipline.  Typically, I am guessing, it goes something like this:

"You're too hard on them."
"You're too easy on them."
"These kids are out of control."

At least that is what goes on here at our home.
 And it's getting worse.

We have an almost 7 year old, an almost 5 year old, and an almost 2 year old.  They are cute, sweet, loving, naughty, crazy, and life is stressful and chaotic!

We have done time outs, we have taken things away, we've ignored it, we've done reward charts and jars, we've tried love and logic a bit.  The result-bad behavior and tantrums have continued, they think they should get rewarded when they are good, they think if they cool down and apologize all is well.

We are embarrassed to take them places.  They don't listen, are out of control, not thankful, and rude.  All of this ends with the hubby and I feeling like failures and being frustrated with the kids and each other.

Kids aside, a problem for us in not agreeing and not being consistent.  I'm more the "new age touchy, feely, talk it over" type.  He's more the "old school intimidating and scary" type.  And we both just yell. :/

Today it all clicked into place for me.  (kind of pathetic I know, it's all common sense, but I think it's easy to get in a rut and not see the problem).  Everything I told my kids to do turned into an argument and they flat out were not listening.  Finally, I took away the pool for the day.  My 6 year old wasn't happy, but let it drop.  My four year old started yelling, kicking, crying etc.  After a screaming, thrashing battle I got her to her room.  I'll spare you the details!

 After 45 minutes of this everything became more clear.  My children have no consequences.  They cry, do naughty behavior, apologize, and we move on.  They think "I'm sorry" fixes everything.  The behavior doesn't change though.

It all just kind of dawned on me (it being common sense).  We need to shape and mold these little blessings into good people.  Find a way for them to learn to be well mannered, kind, and pleasant.  Prepare them for the world, well, for now, at least teach them how to act in it! (baby steps!)

I don't think I have ever moved on from the mentality of-they are little and need immediate redirection or consequence, a few minutes in the corner and an apology is punishment enough.  My two older ones are beyond that.  They grew up and so my expectations and consequences and rules need to grow up as well.

I want them to learn values, morals, good behavior etc.  And they need to learn there is a consequence to misbehavior.

So of course I turned to pinterest....I am excited to research my pins tonight and find a new system.  I am currently looking into an if/then chart.  If you do that, this will happen.  And/or a visual of warnings/consequences and where they are sitting.

I hope this DIY project offers a much needed solution to the worn out parents and naughty kids in this household.


Please, please offer up thoughts, suggestions, examples etc.  I will update soon:)

Marshmallow Houses (and marshmallow eating) :)

I really have not been doing many activities and/or crafts with the kids.  Without daycare kids here lately I have been in a lazy rut!  Plus-it's so nice out!  I figure, for now, being outdoors is more important and fun anyways.

Still though, once in a while I sneak something in.  Last week we made marshmallow houses with mini marshmallows and toothpicks.  It was super quick, easy, (and yummy;), but still an awesome little project.  It was neat to watch them thinking, concentrating, and creating.  Just fun to watch their heads bent and hands moving on something physical.  What I'm getting at is, focusing on creativity, not technology.  We do lots of hands on activities and limit technology, but I guess it was just neat because it was simple, yet enjoyable. And they were so proud to show it off when Ed came home:)

My youngest of course loved it too.  When they weren't looking, she went to eat the houses;)  And the next morning I found her chilling on the stairs polishing off the bag of marshmallows with a great big smile on her face.

Fall Fun Summer Style

Cameron has baseball tonight.  He hasn't played in two weeks, so I thought he could maybe use a little practice.  So out to the yard we went with ball and bat in hand.  (I figure if he can hit the ball with me pitching, he is doing pretty good.)

We played for a bit...until the piles of grass got to me!!
And then the light bulb went off:)

I told the kids to get some rakes.  We could rake the grass up into a  pile to jump in just like we do with the leaves in the fall.  They were quite excited.

They raked a bit and the fun started!  They took turns jumping.  And then they decided to just lay there while I raked the grass right over them.  Needless to say shirts and hair are still full of grass;)

The laughter, smiles, and giggles (there were tons!!) were priceless.  They thought it was just the coolest thing.  Times like that I remember why I stay home and love being a mom.  Things like that boost up the cool mom feelings too;)

Apple Scones--making of a good morning!

I had a craving this morning.  A craving for sweet, fresh baked breakfast yumminess.
I was going to bake up some baked oatmeal with berries.  As I was searching for the recipe, however I happened across my apple scone recipe and remembered I had a few apples just hanging out in the fridge.
So I decided to make apple scones.  That sounded delicious along with my coffee!!
This is the recipe from allrecipes.com.  Although I tweaked in a bit and was thrilled with the result:)


Apple Scones


2 cups flour
1/4 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup butter, chilled
1 apple-cored, peeled, and shredded
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons milk
2 tablespoons white sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Measure flour, sugar, baking powder, soda, and salt into a large bowl.  Cut in butter or margarine until crumbly.  Add shredded apple and milk.  Stir to form a soft dough.
Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface.  Knead gently 8-10 times.  Pat into two 6 inch circles.  Place on greased baking sheet.  brush tops with milk, and sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon.  Score each into 6 pie shaped wedges.
Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, or until browned and risen.  Serve warm with butter.

I added two spoonfuls of brown sugar.  I also added a couple good shakes of cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice to the dry ingredients.
I added a little vanilla and an extra splash of milk.
My apple was small, so I added an extra one.
I didn't measure the milk, cinnamon, and sugar for topping.  I just spooned some milk on top and srinkled a good amount of cinnamon and sugar.


Mmmm, it was delicous!  So moist and yummy!  I didn't think the kids would like them, but they all ate two, including my picky niece!!
And it paired great with my coffee:)  It was an excellent start to the day!!


S

Weekend Reflections

The family and I  had the privilege, together, to attend a wedding this last weekend.  It made for a crazy few days, as I was a bridesmaid.  As I rest up I have a few lasting impressions to ponder.

I love the family memories being built as you watch.  Mostly I see this on the dance floor.  Mom's, Dad's, Aunt's, friends, and other family members all busting a move with the kid's:)  The joy in the kids eyes is just a wonder!  Adults just seem to relax a bit and enjoy the moment.

A personal memory close to my heart....My youngest had crawled up on grandma's lap and fell asleep.  My daughter was dancing with my husband, and I was dancing with my son.  I overheard Austyn say "Ed, I love you" and saw her give him a big hug.  Cameron's eyes were just shining and he looked up at me and said "mom, this is the best night ever".  That's the great memories life is meant to be made up of.

My husband and I were able to sneak out for a couple slow dances together.  It was so renewing to look at him, focus on him, forget everything but that moment, smile, kiss, and twirl.  It was just us for a few moments.  I smiled even bigger when he said he was lost in my eyes!

I don't know what it is.  I guess it's just the joy you feel for your family and friends celebrating their love and witnessing them create a new family.  It makes you focus a bit on your own blessings of love and family.

Whatever it was, we had a great weekend!

Embracing Positivity

So our fourth of July slowly took a bit of a dive.  We decorated, made the food, and got ready.  And then the cancellations started....It happens and sometimes can't be avoided.  We know that of course, but it still is just disappointing and, well, no fun!  So we were bummed for a bit.  And then I said: you know what?  The kids aren't going to remember who came, they will remember us making a big deal out of the fourth.  They will remember the fun, the decorations, and us celebrating together.  So we will enjoy, celebrate, and cherish the time spent making memories with our family and with the people that still are able to come.
Here's to a happy fourth and embracing a positive attitude!! :)

Fourth of July Festivities

For the last few years we have hosted a 4th of July get together.  Every year may be a little different, every year may be different people, but it's OURS. (as you can tell I love traditions)  It's our little traditional get together.  Something the kids can count on and look forward to.  That tradition we created is probably one of the reasons the fourth may be becoming one of my favorite holidays.  Another reason is the feeling that comes over me watching fireworks.  It isn't really describable, the feeling of pride in being an American, the feeling of community as you look around at the people gathered....Not sure what it is, but it gets me choked up.

This year we are expecting a pretty good group, about 6 families I believe.  We are doing the grilling and have asked everyone to bring a dish and BYOB.  So much less stress and a little more affordable this way!  Hopefully the sun comes out and the kids can have some water fun.  I absolutely LOVE watching my kids playing with our friends kids.  What great memories!  Although I am really wanting to go see fireworks, I do believe we have a few to light off here at home.

The kids and I had fun putting together a few decorations.  We painted a couple of cans blue.
Then attached some decorative crepe paper.  Ed will drill holes in top of the can and then we can hang them up.  We also mod podged blue, white, and red tissue paper to some spaghetti jars.  These are to hold our "sparklers".  I purchased some decorative wire at the dollar store.  Three pieces were cut and pushed into a straw.  A fourth piece was used to wrap around the straw.  (adapted from www.wehaveaars.blogspot.com).  I smile every time I walk past:)  I also printed out some patriotic art at www.tatteredandinked.blogspot.com.    Last, we have some colored table cloths.  I am so excited to see it all put together!!

A few days ago we also did a holiday craft.  We made flags with tissue paper.  We pasted white paper onto blue paper, and a small blue square in the upper corner.  Then we scrunched up tissue paper to make the flag; red for the lines of the flag and white for the stars.  Kids loved it and it turned out so cute.

Happy 4th of July and have a wonderful, safe holiday!!