My Little Boy Woke Me Up

I am sure most of us have seen the posts on pinterest about being more involved with our kids...well here's mine;)  Just a simple interaction between my son and me "woke" me up.....And here is the story....

It was late and had been a long day.  It felt like a long day I think mostly because I didn't make it a good day. I was tired, crabby, and ultimately lazy.  The kids were busy playing most of the day and in my boredom I turned to my phone-email, facebook, and pinterest.  I got so caught up in it that I got annoyed when they wanted or needed something.  Then Alayna got whiny, clingy, and needy after nap.  And when I was trying to cook and bake they were, all three, right there under my feet and I wasn't a fan at all.
Bedtime came and I was "exhausted".  Alayna fought and screamed so I layed her down and left the room.  I tucked Austyn in.  Ed came and rocked Alayna, who did not scream and fight him!  And I sat on the step waiting for Cameron to finish brushing his teeth so I could tuck him in.

 As he walked by he asked what I was doing.  I said waiting for you.  He came over, gave me a hug and kiss and said he loved me and that he was so lucky I was his mommy.  He then chit chatted about his day.  I just sat and listened in awe with so much love in my heart that my chest honestly, physically hurt.  My babies are growing and I'm wasting these precious days being crabby!  Cam is going into first grade-he has friends, opinions, thoughts, dreams.  Austyn is going into 4k and is already totally fine and comfortable wandering away by herself to play.  Alayna is going on two and turning into her own little self.

Not only am I wasting valuable quality time I'm forgetting they are sweet little blessings who were given to me to help shape and mold.  They need and deserve my time and love.  I've slowly turned into the sideline mom.  I used to judge that mom.  The one who sat on the bench while the kids played at the park.  Now I am her, and I understand her!  Time to think of yourself is precious.  But even more precious are these three kids!!

I'm not sue how, but a balance needs to be found.  I do need a  small amount of me time to keep my strength up to make good days for my kids. I also need to be present and involved.  Stop only pinning how to be a good mom, and start being a good mom.  And stop looking back and being negative.  Look at the positive and strive for the good.

 Yes, today was a downer over all, but we did take a nice walk together and we shared lots of love, hugs, and kisses.

I see now, and it makes me feel a little more pathetic.... The kids didn't exhaust me.  I exhausted me by being crabby, lazy, and uninvolved.  Days are much more enjoyable when you find time to laugh and have fun.
Being negative does not help either.  Better to focus on the good, positive, and be grateful.

I am grateful for these babies of mine, happy to be their mommy and am positive I no longer want to be the sideline mom.

And what's amazing is my kids won't hold this crabby day against me.  They still have loving hugs and kisses galore for me.  So I vow to change, but I'm also giving myself break.  If my kids can give me a break and think I'm the best I don't think I am most likely as bad as I think, and deserve that break!  It doesn't help to beat myself up.  Better to focus on tomorrow.

I'm not saying every minute of every day needs to be spent on and focused on my kids. I think parent's need a break and need to have a life apart from the kids as well (another thing I need to work on actually, but that's for another post;) But I want quality hands on, focused time spent on them daily.  Hands on time and time to listen and time to cherish and time to learn and time to influence and time to help them grow and feel loved.